Pride Born of Hurt

May 4

Written By Sheryle Cruse

If we have pride at any level, it can keep us from asking for what we need.

We may have grown up in a family where we were ignored or disappointed. We were afraid to ask for anything, for fear of some kind of retaliation or punishment.

Our childhood needs that we had were rarely met, and this caused us to become self-reliant, to a degree. These self-sufficient tasks we tried to do required us to do everything on our own.

We were determined never to ask anyone for help of any kind.

This is not the normal response to this kind of human existence.

Being ignored is a form of abuse.

Never again would we be in a place where we needed to ask for any help whatsoever.

This is a form of self-destruction, called pride, born out of our hurts and pains.

It was never to be born at all.

This pride was conceived in a spiritual womb, finally brought forth into our soul, by neglect, silence, and ignorance, on the part of the rearing in our childhood.

I always remind myself that **“we battle not with flesh and blood,”** but as a child, I did not know anything spiritual.

My home was just a house, begging to be called a home.

There are four types of pride. They are identified in different religious and psychological contexts.

Pride of Timidity is characterized by fearing the judgment of others and overvaluing human respect.

Pride of Sensitivity involves being overly concerned with self-love and how it’s affected by others’ opinions.

Pride of Complacency (Vanity) manifests as an excessive desire for human admiration and a tendency to show off.

In other words, “I have a need to be needed.”

Finally, Pride of self-exaltation involves attributing one’s excellence to oneself, rather than to God.

Timidity is rooted in fear of what others might think, leading to over-reliance on external validation.

No true humility in this type of pride.

Sensitivity pride manifests as a heightened awareness of criticism and a tendency to see oneself as more vulnerable than others.

This sets off a defense mechanism, unaware and unable to receive any correction, even if it is constructive.

Complacency leads to excessive desires for human admiration and the need to “show off” at times.

Self-exaltation is dangerous and attributes one's own achievements and gifts or talents based on personal achievements and efforts.

God gets no Glory in this type of pride.

There is no need to do a deep dive on all of this, as my point is a simple one, based on God’s Holy Word.

Proverbs 11: 2 declares,

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

James 4:6…

“But He gives more grace.”

Therefore, it says…

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I ought to know all about pride.

Pride took me to addictions and finally prison.

Pride cost me everything, because I thought I was above the law.

I thought I was above disease from inserting a dirty 26.5-gauge needle into my vein in my arms. Once all the veins in my left arm collapsed, I had to mainline Meth into the veins on the tops of my hands and feet.

Good luck covering up those canker sores. What was I to do, wear gloves in the summertime, and boots?

Matthew 7: 13-14,

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

The path I was on, prior to accepting Jesus into my heart while in prison, was a wide, broad, and rocky road. The twists and turns of Meth addiction, and the rocks and potholes of violence were killing me.

The problem was, I did not care.

And pride kept me from asking for help of any kind. Not much maturing in an eighteen-year-old junkie.

Destruction, according to the Bible, is: complete ruin, annihilation, loss, and moral devastation.

It is the consequences of sin, leading to God’s judgment, which is also a serious, eternal, and spiritual destruction from God.

“He would have none perish, but that ALL should come unto repentance.”

2nd Peter 3:9

There isn’t anything a human being can do to stop a $200.00 a day Meth habit, on his own.

Yes, we can seek treatment, but being clean and sober, without the Joy of the Lord Jesus, just makes us a dried-out addict.

There is nothing worse than an angry addict who sits around all day, thinking of ways to avoid going back to this horrible lifestyle.

This is where pride plays a big part.

Pride is the way of the world.

1st John 2: 15-16,

“Do not love the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world.”

Can’t get past this mighty Word.

Pride corrupts the entire person.

It did ruin me.

It was more than addiction that fueled my issues. The abuse and the abandonment I felt when my mom and dad died, were only part of the overall prideful attributes I fed into.

I thought I was invincible.

Drugs played a part in this, but at 18 years old, I felt nothing could harm me.

Yes, I was broken hearted, but I did not care what the police did to me.

I did not care that I ended up in prison.

This lends to the worst of the pride examples called, “pride of self-exaltation.”

I became my own God.

Excluding the One who eventually saved my soul.

I did not know He existed back then, and I did not care.

How stupid was I to stand on my own mother’s grave, the same day we buried her, and without anyone around, I stood on the pile of sod and dead flowers on her grave.

I screamed and cursed a God I did not know.

This self-exaltation was the epitome of PRIDE, in my wicked heart.

Blaming a God that I did not believe existed, proved my heart was still open to a God, because I cried out in my pain and frustration.

I believe that God was trying to get my attention at that graveyard, as I cried, screamed, and blasphemed His Holy Name.

He did not send lightning bolts that day. He sent mercy, but I was too far gone to receive it then.

My broad path was leading me to destruction, but Jesus Christ allowed this destruction because of my free-will choices, and He was trying to get me to come to an end of myself.

I call it the Joe-pride.

I was full of myself, and I hated myself at the same time.

Jesus said,

“And so, I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find it. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.”

Luke 11: 9-10

Though I screamed and cursed His Name, that was a form of asking.

Though I saw through spiritual eyes that were blind to grace, I kept looking in my darkness. I knocked on every door the world offered, and those doors opened wide for my drugs, lusts, and violent nature.

I fell into that trap like I was falling in an open elevator door without a floor to hold me.

I crashed and burned in my sin.

I did not die, because God had a purpose in my selfish pride. He broke me and humbled me in the cotton fields of prison.

He protected me, like I was in a force-field of His Love.

This message is not designed to make any of us comfortable or content about where you are in this thing called life.

It is written to keep you and I from going into a spiritual coma.

It is fashioned for holiness, not happiness.

For you to be uncomfortable, not complacent.

To inspire you to always seek Jesus and distinguish yourself as separated from this world and its desires, lusts, and fears.

Whether you are ready or not, He is coming back. You can’t stop that from happening.

What you can do is be ready.

Jesus said in John 14: 2-6,

“‘In My Father’s house there are many mansions. If it were not so; I would have told you. For I go to prepare a place for you, and if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and will receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. And where I go, ye know the way.’

And Thomas said unto Him, ‘Lord, we know not where ye go; how can we know the way?’ Jesus said unto him, ‘I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life. No one comes unto the Father, but by Me.’”

Fact.

This can’t be disputed by anyone on this planet.

He is coming back.

Thomas traveled with Jesus for three years, and when Jesus’s life was at risk by returning to Judea, after Lazarus had died, it was the Apostle Thomas who courageously told his fellow disciples they should go with Jesus.

No matter what the danger. No matter the cost.

Like other disciples, Thomas deserted Jesus during the crucifixion.

After Jesus rose from the dead, Thomas was still not convinced and wanted to touch His wounds to see for himself the truth. His faith was based solely on what he could touch and see for himself.

That too, is a form of pride.

I had to learn the hard way about all the elements of pride.

To be a servant of the Most High God, we must humble ourselves.

I do not know what it will take for mankind to be

humbled.

Catastrophe? Heartache? Pain? Abandonment?

Who knows. God knows.

And, because of our free-will choices, we may pay a heavy price to be humbled.

I would have loved to have avoided prison. I wish I had not done the things I did, to get what I got.

We all must come to a place of giving up our prideful self-sufficiency.

We must be willing to ask God for His help.

We can’t ask for help just once and be done with it.

Knock and keep on knocking.

We must be persistent and ask repeatedly as the needs arise.

When God answers us because we were patient to wait, we will always acknowledge it was Jesus who answered.

He deserves all the Glory.

We may have been born into a family that did not recognize us, and pride entered in as we grew. This may have been us becoming a product of our own environment, but God can change everything and heal all that we went through.

Pride will always be your enemy.

Pride may have been borne in your hurts.

I would have rather been born free than to have gone through the pains of life.

Though we were not born free, we can be free.

It costs us nothing. No price to pay.

“Jesus paid it all, and all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain; He washed it white as snow.”

I was born with pride, born out of pain.

Life offers pain in various ways.

If we can eliminate pride, then the pain has no place to grow.

The placenta of pride needs fuel to live. Stop feeding the baby, and the pride will die, before it is fully grown.

Pride Born of Hurt

If we have pride at any level, it can keep us from asking for what we need.

We may have grown up in a family where we were ignored or disappointed. We were afraid to ask for anything, for fear of some kind of retaliation or punishment.

Our childhood needs that we had were rarely met, and this caused us to become self-reliant, to a degree. These self-sufficient tasks we tried to do required us to do everything on our own.

We were determined never to ask anyone for help of any kind.

This is not the normal response to this kind of human existence.

Being ignored is a form of abuse.

Never again would we be in a place where we needed to ask for any help whatsoever.

This is a form of self-destruction, called pride, born out of our hurts and pains.

It was never to be born at all.

This pride was conceived in a spiritual womb, finally brought forth into our soul, by neglect, silence, and ignorance, on the part of the rearing in our childhood.

I always remind myself that “we battle not with flesh and blood,” but as a child, I did not know anything spiritual.

My home was just a house, begging to be called a home.

There are four types of pride. They are identified in different religious and psychological contexts.

Pride of Timidity is characterized by fearing the judgment of others and overvaluing human respect.

Pride of Sensitivity involves being overly concerned with self-love and how it’s affected by others’ opinions.

Pride of Complacency (Vanity) manifests as an excessive desire for human admiration and a tendency to show off.

In other words, “I have a need to be needed.”

Finally, Pride of self-exaltation involves attributing one’s excellence to oneself, rather than to God.

Timidity is rooted in fear of what others might think, leading to over-reliance on external validation.

No true humility in this type of pride.

Sensitivity pride manifests as a heightened awareness of criticism and a tendency to see oneself as more vulnerable than others.

This sets off a defense mechanism, unaware and unable to receive any correction, even if it is constructive.

Complacency leads to excessive desires for human admiration and the need to “show off” at times.

Self-exaltation is dangerous and attributes one's own achievements and gifts or talents based on personal achievements and efforts.

God gets no Glory in this type of pride.

There is no need to do a deep dive on all of this, as my point is a simple one, based on God’s Holy Word.

Proverbs 11: 2 declares,

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

James 4:6…

“But He gives more grace.”

Therefore, it says…

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

I ought to know all about pride.

Pride took me to addictions and finally prison.

Pride cost me everything, because I thought I was above the law.

I thought I was above disease from inserting a dirty 26.5-gauge needle into my vein in my arms. Once all the veins in my left arm collapsed, I had to mainline Meth into the veins on the tops of my hands and feet.

Good luck covering up those canker sores. What was I to do, wear gloves in the summertime, and boots?

Matthew 7: 13-14,

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”

The path I was on, prior to accepting Jesus into my heart while in prison, was a wide, broad, and rocky road. The twists and turns of Meth addiction, and the rocks and potholes of violence were killing me.

The problem was, I did not care.

And pride kept me from asking for help of any kind. Not much maturing in an eighteen-year-old junkie.

Destruction, according to the Bible, is: complete ruin, annihilation, loss, and moral devastation.

It is the consequences of sin, leading to God’s judgment, which is also a serious, eternal, and spiritual destruction from God.

“He would have none perish, but that ALL should come unto repentance.”

2nd Peter 3:9

There isn’t anything a human being can do to stop a $200.00 a day Meth habit, on his own.

Yes, we can seek treatment, but being clean and sober, without the Joy of the Lord Jesus, just makes us a dried-out addict.

There is nothing worse than an angry addict who sits around all day, thinking of ways to avoid going back to this horrible lifestyle.

This is where pride plays a big part.

Pride is the way of the world.

1st John 2: 15-16,

“Do not love the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life-is not of the Father but is of the world.”

Can’t get past this mighty Word.

Pride corrupts the entire person.

It did ruin me.

It was more than addiction that fueled my issues. The abuse and the abandonment I felt when my mom and dad died, were only part of the overall prideful attributes I fed into.

I thought I was invincible.

Drugs played a part in this, but at 18 years old, I felt nothing could harm me.

Yes, I was broken hearted, but I did not care what the police did to me.

I did not care that I ended up in prison.

This lends to the worst of the pride examples called, “pride of self-exaltation.”

I became my own God.

Excluding the One who eventually saved my soul.

I did not know He existed back then, and I did not care.

How stupid was I to stand on my own mother’s grave, the same day we buried her, and without anyone around, I stood on the pile of sod and dead flowers on her grave.

I screamed and cursed a God I did not know.

This self-exaltation was the epitome of PRIDE, in my wicked heart.

Blaming a God that I did not believe existed, proved my heart was still open to a God, because I cried out in my pain and frustration.

I believe that God was trying to get my attention at that graveyard, as I cried, screamed, and blasphemed His Holy Name.

He did not send lightning bolts that day. He sent mercy, but I was too far gone to receive it then.

My broad path was leading me to destruction, but Jesus Christ allowed this destruction because of my free-will choices, and He was trying to get me to come to an end of myself.

I call it the Joe-pride.

I was full of myself, and I hated myself at the same time.

Jesus said,

“And so, I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find it. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks.”

Luke 11: 9-10

Though I screamed and cursed His Name, that was a form of asking.

Though I saw through spiritual eyes that were blind to grace, I kept looking in my darkness. I knocked on every door the world offered, and those doors opened wide for my drugs, lusts, and violent nature.

I always remind myself that **“we battle not with flesh and blood,”** but as a child, I did not know anything spiritual.