What about this legacy of loneliness?
In a maximum-security prison in 1976, I suffered from the effects of 7 years of addiction prior to my prison term. That itself, created loneliness as I was covering up pain in my heart and secluded myself from the outside world through sticking a needle in my arm daily and injecting drugs. Several different mind-altering substances that fueled my loneliness.
Though I was surrounded by 2,300 other inmates, I was a loner and kept to myself. That gave me one advantage over some of the other men. I had less of the bad interactions and fights that would have resulted in more pain. I was already in physical pain from the field work daily, and the pain in my mind from the aftereffects of the addictions and heartaches which accompanied me all the way to prison.
There was not a social disconnect on my part. It was more of a survival instinct.
My decent into depression manifested into a plan to end my life, yet Jesus Christ intervened on my behalf and saved my soul. That was 49 years ago, and I have been preaching deliverance, forgiveness of sin, and salvation in Christ for a very long time.
Fear of the unknown is the seed by which loneliness is birthed.
What was Jesus going through prior to His death on the Cross?
He was first anticipating abandonment by His Father. He foretold His disciples would leave Him alone during His arrest and trial, saying, “A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave Me all alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16: 32-33.
On the Cross, Jesus cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” Matthew 27: 46. He felt the pain like we do as He was a man and God at the same time.
He felt loneliness to the maximum level in this life at that moment.
The only moments of solitude Jesus really had was intentional as He withdrew to quiet, lonely places to pray and connect with His Father.
An example He leaves with us to do.
Jesus encouraged His followers to join Him in solitude, encouraging them to find rest and a deeper connection with God in quiet moments.
How then do we find ourselves as believers in Jesus, in a deep, dark cave of despair? What happened to us or around us to cause Christians to be so lonely?
Divorce, abandonment, abuse, disappointments, failures, let-downs, and broken promises are only a few that lend to the spiraling out of control in our faith. Faith is paramount in rising from the fog of failure or the rejection of others in our lives. We must, at some point, pull up our bootstraps in prayer, and cry out to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith in Him. If we can’t do it alone, get spiritual help too.
Isaiah 43: 19, “Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
This is characteristic of a true promise from God, who is the only One who can do a new thing. We must position ourselves to overcome our sadness and our sorrow and believe in this one promise above all else. He can, and He will DO a new thing.
I needed many new things in the 49 years of serving Jesus Christ.
Prior to my hour of Salvation on Mother’s Day morning, May 8th, 1977, while inside the chapel in prison, I was two seconds away from my suicide plan. God rescued me and kept me from my demise because He wanted to do a new thing in me. He wanted to use my life if I could ever realize that He is the only One who would never break His promise to me. He is the only One who will never abandoned, reject, abuse, or ridicule me.
He is a loving Father and He knows my pains in this life. He knows yours too. If He can pull me out of the deepest, darkest depression that I was in; then He can and will do the same for you. You and I must get to a place where we stop believing the world and the diagnosed labels that the doctors put on us. It is, in my opinion, demonic to take a small child who has tremendous energy and put them on Ritalin drugs to help with the “hyperactivity.”
Insanity.
Do not misunderstand. I know there are ailments in the body and mind. I am not ignorant in knowing some people, young or old, suffer with neurological and physical sufferings.
There is medication that works outside of any surgeries and there are also times when people are mis-diagnosed.
I ought to know.
Case in point was in1975 prior to going to prison.
I had overdosed on Meth, and several other drugs in Austin, Texas. I was found directing traffic and arrested. Sent to detox with no medical evaluation while in jail. Three days and nights of suffering in a detox tank in jail, led me further into my depression. I was transferred on a police department temporary hold, to the Austin State Hospital for evaluation. My probation was not revoked. Not yet anyway.
I was evaluated alright. Wrongly diagnosed in my opinion.
Here I was, only three days of sobriety from a major overdose, and was told by the physician that I was Manic Depressive manic. No communication. No talks with me. No allowing the drugs that I had ingested to be discarded fully from my physical system.
No other counseling or questions on their part to find out why I had overdosed.
Had they asked me, I would of probably told them that I had been shooting dope since my mother died four years earlier. If they had asked me how I felt about her dying and my daddy being murdered three years after mom died, I might have said, “I hate life, and I want to just get high and be left alone. I might have said that I am sick of living and want to die.”
No questions. No answers. I was given drugs to combat the depression and psychosis.
Hence, no help, just more addiction. At least the drugs were legal, and I did not have to drive all over Dallas looking for my connection who had the Meth.
Here is my point.
The legacy I was creating from my addicted years that led to the loneliness and despair, could have been properly diagnosed by the professional doctors. They might have realized that all I needed was to fully sober up and have some quality counseling or treatment outside of pumping me full of Thorazine and Lithium. That did not happen.
I do not harbor any blame or hold on to remorse. They did the best they could.
Enter Jesus.
HE saved me. He healed me. He set me free from all the addictions and He alone, with the Power of the Holy Ghost, infused me with His love and mercy and grace. His forgiving power set me free and did give me the joy I had been searching for all my life from the time I was born, until I ended up in prison at age 20.
“Don’t tell me He can’t do it.
I have seen too much, and I have been a part of seeing thousands come to Christ through the preaching and teaching of God and His Holy Word.
I have anointed with oil, thousands of men, women and children, and have seen miracle upon miracle both physical ones, and emotional miracles.
“Who the Son sets free, is free indeed.” John 8:36. He has truly come to set the captive free. Not just from prison bars like He did for me. HE can set us free from all the issues of life that beset humans. There is nothing impossible for them that believe.
What does your life look like at this very moment you are reading this story?
Are you depressed? Are you lonely? Are you building a legacy of loneliness because you don’t know what to do?
Understand this. It all begins with accepting Jesus into your heart and then trusting Him to fulfill His promise in Psalm 147: 3. “I have come to heal the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds.”
Identify the wounds you have suffered all the way back into your childhood if necessary.
Lay it all out. The bad, the ugly, the painful and the impossible.
Lay it out, then lay it at the feet of Jesus.
He will destroy the pain. His power and His love will cleanse us from all unrighteousness, and He forgives and forgets out sins. His Presence brings liberty and freedom.
Legacy: Something that is handed down or transmitted from the past to the present or future. This can refer to a gift of money or property left in a will, but also broadly encompasses a person’s achievements, values, or character; traditionally; the lasting impact of several events, actions, or ideas; or a person with a familial connection to a history of good education or moral training.
Legacy only counts if loneliness and despair are not attached to it. Otherwise, you are leaving behind a history of pain which can be spiritually transferred to your children and grandchildren. The curse must be broken, and it is broken once you are saved and set free by Jesus Christ. My two sons will never be drug addicts or prisoners.
It is the best legacy I can leave to them. Not money, but Jesus. That is a legacy worth leaving behind.
Copyright © 2025 by Joe Wilkins
