(Asking Amiss) Our Desire Puppy

May 21

Written By Sheryle Cruse

While surfing the internet, I happened upon a funny meme.

It was the image of a little girl, holding a beast in her arms. And the caption read as follows:

“When you write a letter to Satan instead of Santa asking for a puppy.”

When we get on-n-n-n-e little thing off in our desires and requests, we can, indeed, often generate a different, perhaps unpleasant, result. Scriptural translation popped into my mind in response to both the image and the sentiment:

“Ye lust, and have not... Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

James 4:2-3

Years ago, I had a spiritual experience which impacted my faith and my recovery from eating disorders. Based on a revelation I received about the scriptural account of Jairus’ daughter (Mark 5:35-43), I was on fire!

Clueless, but I was an enthusiastic puppy with a chew toy.

It had everything to do with my future in The Most High. I convinced myself I was living for Him. Really, though, I chased that spectacular future more than an actual relationship.

But I was still intoxicated by my spiritual wakeup call, nonetheless. I was excited by “finding God.”

“What is man, that thou art mindful of him? And the son of man, that thou visitest him?”

Psalms 8:4

I wanted more. At this time, everything was intertwined. It was Jesus; it was me. It was promise; it was desperation.

Plus, there was a surge of my personal creativity during this quest. (This, years later, became my book, “Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder”). I felt the rush of heady emotions: excitement, fear and uncertainty. I felt like my destiny and all of its blessings would happen immediately! I believed this rededication and this creative surge were headed toward instant destiny.

Well… not quite. It took longer than the initial two weeks I thought it was going to take.

“Years later” was, indeed, the more accurate description than the time frame I was desiring.

But, during that spring, Jesus and new possibility were everywhere in my life.

“For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind.”

Isaiah 65:17

I wanted to be new and improved. Was this it?

Ideally, I should have focused on my relationship with Him but I was too focused on getting what I wanted.

Scriptures which clinched it for me spotlighted the “whatsoever” hook…

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.”

John 15:16

This promise encouraged me with evidence I was on my destined way.

“Therefore, I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.”

Mark 11:24

I wanted Elohim to be the Candy Man who made it all up to me. So, He became my dispenser of goodies, not the loving Most High, Father and Creator Who deserved my love and praise. It was all about give me, give me, give me! Nice.

I was asking amiss. And this spilled into the next phase of my spiritual experience.

The momentum was exhilarating. Therefore, I devoured scripture.

I had finished Ellen Christenson’s book, “Lord, Change Me.” And I was convinced I was, indeed, changing for the better. But I wanted MORE.

So, within my clueless state, I wrote in a diary entry: “Lord, change me!”

Oh, really?

One small detail though: I saw only the words “bless me” whenever I looked at that plea.

Yes, I wanted my life to improve.

But I didn’t understand the hard, painful, long, continuous work often involved in that process.

Again, I thought He would make it happen fast and easy.

Nope!

So I prayed, “change me!”

Me, who fought every bit of change.

Change me, Lord (but just let me keep control and let me do things my way).

But I was still so convinced life would continue to only get better.

“Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof...”

Ecclesiastes 7:8

I believed it would be smooth sailing. (Insert laugh here).

I’ve never been a great poster child for patience. And that was the case here. As more time passed, with no evidence of this vague destiny thing, the more I obsessed about it.

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.”

Proverbs 13:12

The trouble was I never defined exactly what would realistically happen; I only expected it to be perfect.

When we mistake our self-imposed ideas of our desires for His time table, involvement, and Presence, things do not go peacefully. We have to get real about this.

As frustrating as it is, you and I are not running the show according to our bright ideas.

And that’s a good thing.

Think about it. Do we really believe it’d be a great idea to have the world run according to our feelings- all of ‘em?

Our feelings, in a frustrated moment, can lie to us, telling us just because life isn’t going swimmingly, Elohim has forsaken us.

Or perhaps, we’re experiencing a time in which we do feel a wonderful spiritual connection. Everything seems new and possible. It’s just as frustrating, ultimately, to believe the lie that life will always go this way. It doesn’t. Some time periods are easier and more fulfilling than others. And we can set ourselves up for disappointment and disillusionment, believing a decision to say yes to our Higher Power makes everything easy. It doesn’t. Sometimes, our lives experience the exact opposite effect.

Sometimes, yes, we do experience a seismic shift in our spirituality.

But could this seismic shift be a replacement for an actual relationship with Him? That’s where danger often comes in.

None of us have perfect, infallible GPS, all of our own doing.

“All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way...”

Isaiah 53:6

Instant gratification and achieved desires: both can be such illusions.

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

Matthew 6:21; Luke 12:34

Why’s the thing so important?

“…Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but Elohim pondereth the hearts.”

Proverbs 21:1-2

We can pin our entire heart upon a designated thing which will make us happy and complete. Addiction is all about that.

I saw myself as walking the path to my “on my way” destiny; and yeah, the Divine was endorsing it.

During my rededication experience, I was certain of it. But as years went by, I became more frustrated.

After all, I was all set, right?

Let’s get this thing rolling! Enough already! C’mon!

But again...

“Ye lust, and have not... Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

James 4:2-3

The painful truth? I wasn’t ready; I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.

“‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways... For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.’”

Isaiah 55:8-9

And that’s difficult to face when you want what you want- RIGHT NOW!!!!

So, what do you want right now and why do you want it immediately?

How do you think our Creator views that desire?

“…The thing that thou doest is not good.”

Exodus 18:17

Do you still overdrive your passions, trying to make your dream(s) happen?

Do you even use the self-soothing promise, dangled in addiction, all to create this counterfeit feeling of a Divine relationship, purpose or experience?

How will that thing solve your life?

Underneath every motive, we want The Most High.

And so, we seek our designated Divine substitutes to fill whatever black hole exists.

During my spiritual rededication, I was thoroughly convinced I was ready for the incredible destiny to hit NOW!

Nope.

What I believed to be an “end of a thing,” was actually “the beginning of the journey.”

I didn’t see the drudgery, the years, the tears, the boring uneventful moments, the disappointment, the numerous loads of laundry and the heartache. No. I only saw the glory.

It’s easy to get caught up in a vision or an idea; it’s exciting.

Yes, it may be valid, even Divinely-given. It can even be our healthy commitment TO our recovery processes. But that still doesn’t negate the reality of time, imperfection and the need for patience.

“In your patience possess ye your souls.”

Luke 21:19

Our Creator will come through. It just probably won’t be according to our specifications.

Get used to that.

Just because we think we want something, just because we think we’re ready for it, doesn’t mean it will automatically happen.

Unfortunately, we don’t seem to like that process.

We like “instant.”

But are we ready? Are we strong enough? Are we mature enough?

When we ask for our proverbial puppy, are we asking fictional Santa...or an amiss reality of Satan?

How healthy, indeed, is “our asker?”

Sheryle Cruse