It was often during those times that I would ask Elohim why He made me in the first place. What was the point? Was the torment of eating disorders all there was? Were the constant weight and food battles all there was to me? I hated what I saw so much of the time, regardless of where I was on the scale. At my thinnest, I hated what I saw; at my heaviest, I hated what I saw. Did The Most High see me the same way?
“Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees?”
Job 10:4
Yeah, I was certainly living a Job kind of existence. It’s not a “skip to my loo” kind of approach. But no, Our Father doesn’t stop at surface appearances- thankfully! He looks deeper…
“…The Most High does not see as humans see. Humans look at outward appearances, but the LORD looks into the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7
And, isn’t that one of the problems for those of us dealing with eating disorders and body image issues? The old adage states there’s no reality, only perception. So, some of us perceive ourselves to be ugly and worthless.
But is that the truth?
Scientific studies state that there is a chemical disturbance in the brain function of many who suffer from eating disorders like Anorexia and Bulimia. Simply stated, the brain wiring of these individuals prevents them from seeing their physical bodies as they actually are. Instead, they only see themselves as the distorted “funhouse mirror” version of themselves.
You know the saying, “seeing is believing?”
Well, I guess that’s what can happen if the brain can only register one particular perception, even if it’s an inaccurate one.
I believed that inaccurate perception for a long time.
And, as years have passed, I’ve also had a spiritual reawakening as well concerning my disordered eating and image issues. Eating disorders, at their core, are spiritual matters. For my own situation, I had to recognize and confront how I let my own eating disorder behavior become some form of idolatry.
Pleasant, isn’t it?
According to “The Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus Second Edition,” the definition of idolatry reads as follows: “the worship of idols, great adulation. The image of a deity, etc., as an object of worship, the object of excessive or supreme adulation, a graven image icon, effigy, symbol, fetish, totem, god, hero or heroine, star, celebrity.”
Yeah, that covered it for me.
Whether or not I knew it, my image desires and eating disorder behaviors were idols. I thought I was in control. But, before I knew it, all of my “little idols” turned into razor-sharp funhouse torture mirrors, mocking and threatening me. I had lost sight of my one true Creator.
“I am the LORD thy YAH, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before me.”
Exodus 20:2-3
And by disobeying that very first commandment, I had opened myself up to unnecessary pain. My eating disorders were not His Will or His fault. And, while it would be all too easy to blame myself here, I had to accept the fact that I was not completely hopeless; I still could make another choice. No matter how low I went with my eating disorders, there still was a way out: The Most High.
“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to humanity. The Most High is faithful, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation He will also provide a way of escape so that you are able to bear it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13
Like that childhood experience of the funhouse mirrors, I had a choice about what I could do. I could continue to stare into the scary, inaccurate reflections, or I could leave them and shift my view elsewhere?
So, where- or more accurately, Who- is that elsewhere?
“The name of the LORD is a strong tower; a righteous person rushes to it and is lifted up above the danger.”
Proverbs 18:10
What’s your funhouse mirror? Is it an eating disorder? An addiction?
Some other self-destructive behavior? Are you choosing to stare into that hopeless, futureless and lifeless reflection or are you choosing to look for The Most High?
If the funhouse isn’t so fun, then what? What will we do? We do have a better option out there. There is a better reflection, waiting to look back at us.
And He’s there to help us...
“Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, This is the way, walk in it, whenever you turn to the right hand, and whenever turn to the left.’”
Isaiah 30:21
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go: I will guide you with My eye.”
Psalm 32:8
“The Most High is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
Psalms 46:1
Will we choose that reflected option?
Abba Father-
We come to You in The Name of Your Son, Yahshua. You know how we see, think, and feel about ourselves. The truth? It’s less than glorifying to You.
Thank You for believing we are valuable, beautiful, worthwhile, and reflecting Your Image. We need Your help believing, receiving, and accepting that for ourselves.
Help us to do that.
Help us to love You. You know we also have a hard time giving and accepting love.
Forgive us for our idolatry. Forgive us for not turning to and trusting You. We repent, by faith, of that now.
Help us to heal and see ourselves the way You do.
Thank You,
In the Name of Yahshua, we seal it.
Amen.
Copyright © 2025 by Sheryle Cruse
