Their thumbprints, like all humans, are from God and are uniquely designed.
God knew us before the matrix of our mother’s womb, and before the foundations of the Earth. My finite mind has a hard time wrapping itself around this, but I know it is true.
He gives us a thumbprint, so we can leave our own imprint on this world. He empowers us to leave a lasting mark (imprint) to encourage people from all walks of life. God wants us to embrace each person we meet and tell them they too have a unique identity, and for them to live out their purpose that God gives them.
On to my letter of love to my sons.
Not only do I remember the moments both were born, but I remember giving God all the Glory for them as they know now that they were never to be born at all. I was unable to have children because of all the things I did back in my early years. God did two very distinct miracles in allowing my sons to be born. I know this and so do they now.
I wanted to share some things about what it is like to be a Daddy to two little boys first.
We played. We prayed. We cried and we tried to please one another as much as two little boys can to their imperfect Daddy. Yes, a Daddy with flaws.
“Wouldn’t it be great to go back in time and not do some of the things we all have done as parents?” Knowing we can’t, it gives us a perspective in knowing how resilient little children can be despite the inadequacies of their Daddy.
I failed you both many times in several ways. This letter reflects how almost all daddies do not live up to every expectation. But I want to be personal for a moment.
One day sons, you both are going to give your Daddy the last hug, the last kiss, and hear my voice for the last time. You never know when the last time will be. None of us do. Live every day as if it were the last one you have for yourself and in being with me. Your Daddy. No, this is not my last will and testament or a warning I am not long on this Earth.
I am wanting to write this for myself and all Daddies who have little boys who have now grown into men.
We, as Daddies, hope our foundations that we built in our sons will stay and not crack under pressures of life. We pray to God daily for your safety, security, peace and contentment. Not peace in this world or the so-called peace the world offers. But the peace from our Lord Jesus Christ.
We must all know our identity in Christ. 1st John 3: 1-2, “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore, the world does not know us, because it did not know Him. Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.”
Meaning: This emphasizes the extraordinary love of God, which results in believers being called and being children of God, a reality the world does not recognize because it does not know God. The passage assures believers of their future transformation into the likeness of Christ when they see Him face-to-face, a hope that gives meaning and purpose to their lives.
We are adopted into God’s family through faith in Jesus Christ.
If you are a son to a father who is still alive, please listen closely to the following story.
My Daddy was murdered when I was 18 years old. My mother had died three years earlier to cancer when I was 15.
My life was destroyed as a result of this trauma, and I immediately became a drug addict once I found out about my mother being terminally sick. I was only 14 when the diagnosis came, and drugs and alcohol became my God.
Knowing that my two sons, (like your sons if you read this letter of love); will not have to repeat the sins of their Daddy. My hopes and prayers are that my children, (and your boys too), is that they will grow up to be men of God with integrity and Godly character. Despite the fact you and I may have failed them in the past. I know I failed them many times and for that, Daddy is sorry to the depth of my broken heart.
Isaiah 43: 18-19 declares, “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
This letter is my attempt to say to my sons, “I regret the things I did that may have wounded you. I have deep feelings of remorse over the lack of understanding your hearts and not being as sensitive as I should have been. I am sick in my heart that I put too much pressure, especially on my first born, to try and understand my pains and pit him against me and put him in a position to choose between what he should do or not do, and bring confusion and heartache to him.”
I am not living in shame over all of this because I know I am forgiven by Jesus for my sins and my shortcomings in raising my two sons. It is not an excuse to say that we all have made mistakes in being a Daddy to a Little Boy. Or little boys. I have no excuses.
Jesus made a way of reconciliation to the Father through His death on the Cross. I embrace the Cross daily on behalf of my 69 years of life that I currently am in. I am grateful that my sons still have a Daddy to call. I am not living out what I missed because I did not have a Daddy after 18 years old. I am living proof of what “NOT” to do regarding being a Daddy, and what “TO” do to be a Daddy who knows how to say he is sorry for my faults.
I want my two sons to remember some things. Number one, this letter is written now as time is never seeming to be on my side. I am not ignorant of my age and how I was literally a grandfather, as far as my age when you both were in high school. I was 58 when you both were in early high school. Thank God you were in a Christian school then. Later you went to public school, and I regret that I could not send you to a Christian High School to graduate in. Either way, you both turned out great in my eyes, though they are a bit red now as I write this.
Did not want to drop you off at school in front of your friends as I did not want either of you to feel weird about my older demeanor. Gray hair and all.
I do know this. Each of you have turned out exactly how I prophesied back when you were in the womb of your mother. One, a man with a Shepherds heart. A pastors heart. The other, a prophet to the nations. Both are tender hearted and tough skinned.
I had to learn the hard way about the tough skin, so let me encourage all Daddies who may read this or let their sons read this letter.
I used to think that having a tender heart was great, and it still is. The tough skin was because of all my insecurities. I dropped off the tough skin about 5 years ago, though I still have a few scars from my past and some insecurities that I deal with daily.
“Sons, I can’t give you advice now, but I can give you both some words of wisdom.”
Pursue God as passionately as He is pursuing you. And when you do, and make it a priority in your life, it will reward you handsomely.
Proverbs 4: 1-13, Solomon speaks, “Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. When I was my father’s son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, He also taught me and said to me; “Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live. Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore, get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Exalt her, (wisdom) and she will promote you; she will bring you honor, when you embrace her. She will place on your head an ornament of grace; A crown of glory she will deliver to you. Hear my son (s) and receive my sayings, And the years of your life will be many. I have taught you in the way of wisdom; I have led you in right paths. When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble. Take firm hold of instruction, do not let go; Keep her, for she is your life.”
To my sons, and all who need to hear this; “I have played with you, all the way up until you were about 14. I could not throw the football like I used to. I could kick a 55-yard field goal with dress shoes on though. I was 58 when I kicked that ball through the uprights with about 7 yards to spare. (I limped back to the car thinking I had thrown out my right hip, ughhh.) I tried my best, knowing I was getting older and not as fast as you both. Trying is better than not attempting that kick.”
Daddy's little boys grow up. They grow up fast because mom kept feeding them. “That is all your fault by the way mom.”
I am looking through different eyes as I see the both of you. My eyes and my heart are happy today. I see the fruit of your lives in your twenties, and I am very proud of you both. You have never disappointed me. Not even once.
I believe Jesus will give me 20 more years, but who knows.
God has left His mark upon my life. His thumbprint is deep and obvious, despite my tattoo from the County Jail that I had to cover up years later after my fall from grace.
It is His mark of excellence in His creation for me and for you both.
Life marks us up like a chalkboard during algebra class. I hated math. I got the privilege of erasing all those equations, exponents, expressions, and factors. “What is an integer, matrixes, and quadratic equation?” The formulas, and their less than and greater than markings, blew my mind. I think the teacher called upon me to erase them slowly in hopes some of it would make sense for me. I failed the class. Chalk under my fingernails was the only thing that stuck.
I failed a bunch of things in this life of 69 years. I do know one thing that is for sure.
I may have a history of failure at times, and I know my sins are forgiven.
I did not fail in loving my two sons.
I am leaving an imprint on the both of you. These marks I leave pale in comparison to the anointed marks Jesus Christ is leaving on your hearts.
God knows how to use your life if you will let Him. Though the both of you have felt like “nobodies” at times, or that you have disappointed God some, just remember that I am never, ever disappointed in either one of you. It is not in me to cast a slur upon you or let myself not care about how you both feel.
When I get to Heaven someday and sit at the Lamb’s Supper next to ex-convicts, ex-drug addicts and the like, I will always have two seats vacant. One on my left and the other on my right. Reserved for my two sons. When I am there waiting for your seat at the table, I will look down from Heaven and remember the good times.
I will watch you both as you play football with your sons perhaps. If you choose, put on some dress shoes and kick the ball like ole’ Pop did back in 2011 in Kerrville, Texas.
Try and do it before you turn 55 okay? There will be less pain in your hip after the long field goal you try to make. Remember this: “You will always miss the shots you never take.”
Go for it. Win or lose, you both are winners in my heart. Always will be, no matter what.
Love, Daddy.
