The best that we can give. Conclusion: Instead of suggesting that you go out and love, I would suggest that you just get filled with God and His perfect love for you and mankind.
For a word that we all use so often, love is a very difficult word for us to define. I looked up love in the dictionary and found that it is both a noun and a verb. It has eleven different definitions. Love has to do with God.
It has to do with sex. It has to do with romance. It even has to do with tennis, of all things.
I tried to picture a young couple, dating, attracted to each other. He schedules a romantic evening. They go to a restaurant that’s far too expensive for his budget. Keeping in mind he is 24 years young.
Afterwards they go out on a warm, moonlit night, and sit on a park bench overlooking the lake. He holds her hand and realizes that tens of millions of times, men have said to women “I love you.”
And somehow, he is fearful that she would not get all that was meant and the full definition of what he said.
And so, he looks into her eyes, and having checked it out in the dictionary, he says, “I have tender and passionate affections for you as a member of the opposite sex.”
That does not capture all that love is about, and it breaks the romance of the moment.
In English we have only one word for love. I think that this is unfortunate. The ancient Hebrews had the same dilemma. “Ahab” was the ancient Hebrew word, and all different shades of love had to be captured in that single term.
The Greeks had far more. Storge was probably one of the most frequent uses of love that the Greeks had in their language. It referred to the love between a parent and a child, especially between a mother and a child.
“But what does the Bible say about love?”
Agape, a selfless, unconditional love that prioritizes the well-being of others.
It is not primarily a feeling, but a decision to act in the best interest of others, even when it’s difficult or unappealing. This love is exemplified by God’s love for humanity, demonstrated through the sacrifice of Jesus dying on the Cross of Calvary.
I never knew about love as a child. Growing up in a family where love was displayed by giving us toys, or a pet, or simply letting us play outside in the rain.
A pet or toy never works if that is the only way love in a home is rendered.
Jesus was not part of my childhood, and I found true love later in life while in prison. As a matter of fact, I wrote the following poem while incarcerated in 1976.
“True Love”
As I grew up, I needed to be loved. I had to beg, at times, while thinking of. The love –substitutes that were given to me; like a shepherd dog and parakeet.
All I really wanted, though, were four words from my parents like, “I love you, Joe.” And during all that time, I waited patiently, but it never came true for me.
Those bedtime stories were never told. And, before I knew it, I was getting old. My heart grew harder as I waited there. Waiting for my parents to truly care.
To say “I love you” without the love, is a gesture of selfishness; they must be dreaming of. To show your love, with a pet or toy, is a counterfeit way of expressing joy.
All I wanted in my childhood prime was for them to try and spend some time. They say “love” is spelled: T.I.M.E. Is that so hard for them to see?
Where were their hugs and kisses sweet? “Why can’t I hear my parakeet?” These substitutes for the love I crave are hidden away, in a makeshift grave.
All I wanted is gone, for now. I’ll look for love again somehow. I can’t find my shepherd dog today. He too has left and run away.
See, time passed slowly while I was in this maximum-security prison in Texas at age 20. I could almost hear the clock on the wall that never existed in there. No calendars. No wrist watches allowed. Time. Tick tock, the pendulum swings.
Once I got saved in prison in 1977, and the Lord began this “love” relationship with me, everything changed.
1st Corinthians 13: 4-8, describes the truth about love, and as Christians, we try and measure up to this lifelong struggle to accomplish every word in the following scripture.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” New Living Translation.
That is a bunch to live up to and I do not believe any human being ever master's all of that. We strive to be like Jesus and try and let love rule in our mortal bodies.
This agape love was not used very often in the Greek language and was especially infrequent in Greek literature that we can read from those ancient times. It was the Greek word agape, and it was in many ways quite different from the other terms for love that the Greeks used. It was not really centered in the relationship to the other person or in the attractiveness of the other person; but was more centered on the person who does the loving.
Every single person, (not single as in not married) wants to be loved in this life.
Some of us just want to be held. Others will be glad to have a handshake or a pat on the back. Others of us want to be important to someone. Anyone.
We want love to matter whether we come in late or don’t come home at all at night. We want to have someone who will stand up for us and believe in us. The problem with all of these things is that so much is dependent upon our desirability.
If we look good, we are attractive in the sensuous ways to the opposite sex.
If we believe we are to behave as we are supposed to behave, then maybe we’ll have friends who will like us and will hang out with us. If we meet our parents’ expectations, or at least what we think to be our parents’ expectations, then maybe they’ll approve, then maybe they will love us and show us some sort of affections.
Dogs, birds, toys and tucking yourself into bed by yourself is insanity. That was my childhood in a nutshell within a nuthouse in my emotions. I was in an insane asylum in my heart, looking for a way out of the “cuckoo’s nest.” Someone has to fly over. Hopefully.
I would have loved to be the one who flew out of the coop. I did eventually when Mom and Daddy died. I was truly looking for love in all the wrong places.
Like Johnny Lee’s song, “Lookin’ for Love,” the lyrics rang out to my heart.
“I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places, Lookin’ for love in too many faces, searching their eyes for traces of what I’m dreaming of.
Hoping to find a friend and a lover, I’ll bless the day I discover another heart lookin’ for love. And I was alone then, no love in sight, and I did everything I could to get me through the night.”
This song reflected the life I lived after prison. Yes, I was born again and loved Jesus with all my heart. I was so immature as a young believer, that I had the wrong definition of love in my mind at that time. I became like that song by Johnny Lee. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Honky Tonks are not going to produce a Christian bride. “Ya, think?”
Example number one: I had a horrible childhood and the representation of love in the Wilkins home was non-existent. No Jesus, No peace. Know Jesus, know peace. Classic Christian bumper sticker in the 1990’s. The love of God was not in my childhood home.
So, after prison at age 21, my mind and heart were open to the point that I my brains fell out and my heart got crushed in less than ten months outside of the prison walls I had been behind.
I thought that if I had the American Dream of the white picket fence around my first home, and a bride to fill it, then all would be well with my soul. Wrong.
Divorce number one loomed as I got married on February 23, 1978, and was divorced on February 14, 1979. I wore a suit to my wedding in the church with a red rose on my lapel.
The day of the divorce, I was alone in the courtroom, the future ex-wife was not present. I wore the same suit with the dried flower still attached to the lapel from the day I was married. I figured this, “If this suit was good enough for my wedding, then it is certainly good enough for my divorce.” Great day for a divorce. Valentines Day. Hence the suit wearing and flower fading. I was fading too in my walk with Jesus. My love for Him was put on the back burner of my heart for a long time.
Example number two: In a full-blown backslidden life, I ended up in Los Angeles in 1980 and dated my first cousin’s ex-wife. “What kind of an idiot does that?” You're reading about him. Me.
That lasted about ten months, and I realized that I was not fit for this kind of relationship after her former husband, my cousin, beat me to a pulp during a party that my other cousin threw up in Burbank. The classic L.A. party, equipped with booze and mirrors with white powder.
“You catch my snow drift yet?”
I left Los Angeles after breaking her heart and found myself in Lacy, Washington in September of 1980, just a few months after Mt. St. Helens blew her top.
Ash from the volcano was still there, and I had to navigate my life while living with my sister and her ARMY RANGER husband for a season.
The backsliding away from my Savior Jesus was subtle at first, but the fullness of it was about to happen to me. I was reaping what I had sowed.
I met a guy at work, and he and I were stupid. I should have tattooed a big red “S” on my chest representing my decision making then that had to do with looking for love. Not Superman, but Super Stupid Joe.
After work on Monday, I would go to the bars with my friend. No big deal. Just a few beers.
Well, that turned into Tuesday nights, “Ladies Night.” Wednesday night was two-for-one drinks, for two hours. Thursday nights were dance until you drop night and pick up whosoever would let you go home with her. Friday was the night I looked forward to the weekend. Seven days a week, living like the world and hiding behind a facade of Christianity. I was a counterfeit Christian at this point. I was full of dead men's bones and all kinds of lawlessness. It was a miracle I did not end up with a dozen “driving while stupid and drunk” tickets and jail again.
Long story shorter, I stole my sister’s credit cards and jewelry and split for Idaho.
In 1982 I married a lady with two young children, and for the next 7 years, I suffered and was tormented by the decision to get married. Divorce number two loomed.
Divorced in 1990. I stopped looking for love.
This agape love I spoke about is the only love that loves us “as is.” It is a wonder that Jesus would take me back into His loving arms after all that insanity and addictive behavior I displayed. Yet His loved prevailed.
At this point I was not patient or kind. I was jealous and boastful at the same time. I was proud as a peacock and rude with my feathers ruffled all the time.
I demanded my own way. I stayed irritable and I blamed everyone around me for my stupidity. I kept records of all the hurts people did to me, going all the way back to my childhood offenses. I rejoiced in other’s misfortunes. I gave up on love. I lost my faith and was never hopeful again. I did not endure my self-inflicted hardships very well. I was the exact opposite of 1st Corinthians 13. The LOVE scriptures.
I hated myself.
I have shared all of my personal pains from my past for a reason. Not because I am not healed or forgiven. I am. I know how easily falling away from our Savior and Lord is. It does not happen overnight. It does not come as lightning and thunder. It comes like a dew drop, falling on to the heart of a man or woman. It is just a little drop of sin. A bit of leaven. A thought that creeps in, and then that thought grows into an act. Then that act becomes a bit of a habit turning into a lifestyle. That lifestyle grows and the longer we wait to repent and get our heart right with Jesus, the lifestyle of looking for love in all the wrong places become a destiny we never thought we would live out.
Jesus warns us many times to live clean in an unclean world. He not only warns us but gives us a way of escape when we are about to fall into a deep pit of sin. Sin always takes us farther than we want to go and keeps us longer than we want to stay; and permanently costs us much more than we can afford to pay. We must pay up. It is a matter of life and death.
The only way to dissolve the permanent stain of this sin-lifestyle is to get on our knees and cry out to Jesus.
There is no “splendor in sin.” If love is a many splendored thing, then it is critical to know this AGAPE love first.
Selfless and unconditional love comes from the Cross of Calvary. Jesus died so that we could never again start the cycle of madness called, “looking for love.”
Look no further. Seek no more. Run, but do not grow weary in your quest for the truth. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Run to Jesus. When He sees you sprinting towards Him, He always stops and turns around. He opens his arms, complete with the nail-scarred hands. He will embrace you. He will keep you. He will love you with all the Agape love you need.
The splendor of His love.
“The splendor of a King, clothed in Majesty. He wraps Himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide, and trembles at His Voice, trembles at His Voice. Age to age He stands, and time is in His hands, beginning and the end; Beginning and the end. How great is our God?”
I would say He is the Greatest.
Love is a many splendored thing actually. It is much more. It is available to you and me. His name if Jesus.
I hope you have learned more in this story about “what NOT to do, rather than TO do.”
Pretty simple. Don’t do what I did. Look for love in all the RIGHT places. There is only one place to find true love. It is not in a gift or even the amount of time you spend with those you say you love.
In some small way I can hear a dog barking and a parakeet tweeting. Just remembering what I did not have, to appreciate all I do have now. His Name is Jesus. I found what I have always been looking for. The correct love relationship.
For you? Keep searching. You will find Him.
“And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13.
Copyright © 2025 by Joe Wilkins
